Deal with it

Assalamualaikum >w<
I'm back desuuuu

Dah berhabuk blog aku ni *tiup tiup*
Tak tahu nak tulis apa .__. Sejak tahun lepas rasa macam hilang semangat for almost everything, especially my study. I don't know, bila nak buka buku, dah baca tu baca. Tapi tak faham T. T tak rasa nak buat itu, tak rasa nak buat ini. I feel hopeless, tak terdaya and a lot stuffs happened.

Then i started to think, aku dah mula ke jalan yg salah. Why is this happening? Why?
Oh, baru aku sedar, I just keep telling lying to myself .__. I didn't being honest, instead keeping it to myself and just doing nothing.

Heh, it feels like everything is over. Sampai tahap tak tahu nak manage masa, tak tahu nak jaga diri, tak tahu.. nak study :<
Kalau bole, aku nak master semua subjek ee! master in understanding la :p calculation tu entah laa...
Kalau bole, aku nak score, nak markah tinggi tinggi.
Then people will say "WHY DONT YOU START?"

Gambling battle. Either you are rightly or wrongly doing things

No, you don't understand, you don't understand for some people who are barely be able to move. Some need a push, not everyone have pure ability to be on their own.
.__. selalu sgt ada dkt worst place, (maybe ada je senang cuma tak sedar kot xD)
You know, i just getting really really worst. People might say "move on bro, sudah sudah la tu, WOKE UP"
Im..im really taking my time for that. Im not good with most things you know :< *mcm budak budak*

But somehow, bila dah makin tua, kita kena buat decision sendiri, kena berdiri atas sendiri. And bila makin tua, people will less care about you, because they know that you are getting stronger. Hahahahaha, entahlah.. for someone like me, i need a push, kalau tak terperuk la aku dkt situ T. T" but, yeah i realize the reality, people don't care if you sit there doing nothing. They will keep moving forward, most of it like "clever with clever", "stupid with nothing". Blame all you can, but this is the reality! Its not like the clever will find you "come lemme help you". Dari zaman dulu dulu lagi, if you want to learn something, go get it. It wont come up to you. Anak raja pun pegi cari ilmu o. o"

Pesan buat diri,
Kalau impikan nak jadi kaya, work hard for it.
Kalau impikan nak jadi suami yg "usable", work hard for it
Kalau impikan nak jadi hmm, yeah the khalifah, work very very hard for it

^. ^" 2 tahun and hundreds years left. Rindukan diri yg dulu yg kuat, study, and boleh buat mcm mcm.
Yang sekarang ni terlalu takut pada realiti.. takut yg amat. Takut ditinggalkan, takut dikhianati, takut di tidak pedulikan, takut friendzoned, takut.. everything. So dia hanya duduk dalam bilik dgn laptop, tablet, dan few stuffs.
.___." hehe, hopeless syauqi is hopeless. I can't even ask someone to have their time for my problem sharing. Because they were too busy and i'm little scared :'v
And i will just slowly find 1 millions of ways to get myself on the track. *i hope i'd find one*
For now, JUST DEAL WITH IT

Ok, .__. sambung study balik.
Nanti datang balik lepas blog ni berhabuk lagi hahahaha.

kyaaa! i always dream of being like this. to save someone with all i got >w<


*guys, i need a reality slap*
sayounara desu~
pena ditutup.

Untitled

I love friends, special friends, and best friends. *and enemies*

Friends also, a cure. And the poison in the same time regardless how special could they be.
The poison comes when both perspective do not alike, and overthinking it is.

I could be the best friend ever to you, but you do?
Inversely, I can be someone that ignores everything. But, the fact that I'm okay to be hurted again and again makes I don't stop ignore everything. A second of my friends' pain counted, cared.

And this useless of me, when tired of everything, will start distancing from everything too when they did.
So that, they could finally forgot me every single second as different as I remember them at worst few months once.

Do I too cruel for this?
I don't know, feeling guilty of hurting others while being hurt and fine with it.

Most importantly, why I always talked about this while others doesn't?
Its going to be fine if I just ignore and live with it. But it makes me not "Syauqi". I'm a guy who cared about small stuffs like feelings, thoughts, opinions, objections and tears.
And this attitude or habit I had, doesn't come from any of my parents. Its totally vice versa, they only do the right thing. But I'm okay bearing that "pain" and live with the right thing. Yet, I still keep complaining about it once in a while. Geez.

.w. I hope, a little understanding from them.
Forgive me for my foolishness, forgive me for my childishness, and forgive me for every small thing that I complaint.

In the end, I just get that "People will come, and go. Once they go, they go forever."

Yeah, I'm working very hard to understand people, and to overcome my overthinking problem. ^^
Pray for me!!! So, for now I'll have just to leave everything behind and start over again.
Live, die, repeat. *ecehh :p *

And to you, ^^" I'm waiting for you to save me.

Define Oki

I'm back, with another sad story. Wow, these ups and downs sure challenging.
Ada kala aku boleh tempuhi, ada masa aku kena pijak cukup cukup. And tanpa hentilah aku berdoa agar semuanya dipermudahkan.

So, when I'm 16, I'd just realize that I actually being fine to everything. Lost, fall, stabbed, accused, failed, everything. No matter how much I have been hurt, in the end I'd keep doing the same thing like "Its okay, I fix it for you!" "No worry, all smooth~" "Are you okay? Lemme waste my time for you". Its fun to do this thing, I even felt proud of it! *yes i am! ^^*

But, it feel bad, when you really have to face this one thing. That everyone gonna leave you, even painful, forever.

I thought, I could friends with them forever, spending my time, treating them a bit lower than my family. Despite how much I love them, in the end, they have to leave me, forever. What do they meant by forever?
When they almost couldn't see my existence, or remember anything about me.

Yeah! I know maybe they were busy, busy and busy with here and there. But, when looking them almost like ignoring me, it feels... wth.

And oh yeah, some did call me "hey, im your best friend!" "im here for you!". .__. but they looks like they left me behind. Looks like, but it is. Why? Am I bad to you? Did I doing any bad thing to you? :(

To think of it, no one actually care ^^" and I know I overthinking about this while no one really care! Haha.
Deep inside my heart, I really wish there someone who could hear, bear my babling, and even my fantasy. Or simply someone like me... hahaha LOL. no way, no one even can withstand being with such ppl like me. LOL.

You know, I cried a lot with such silly thing like this =3= such childish haha.
Haih haih, enough of that. As much as I complaint, in the end no one care. And I know within myself that I need to face the pain, fall, failure, everything all by myself. ^^"
Well, someday Allah would give you someone that will bear these pain with you right? Just that, I need to find that person. Who could it be? Haha, better to get myself even better before I thought of it. :p

Okay then, I'm gonna work hard to find myself!

And in the end, my name define who I am, I'm oki, whom okay with everything. :'v
Er, no one care right? xD

It's 19th Superposition Principle

Hey, I'm 19th~
Alhamdulillah, still single sihat dan kuat. :V
My wish?
Gonna walk through hell, smoothly~
Jokes.

So, degree life. Always hard as usual, well nothing easy isn't?
And then,

I wonder, how science relates in your life?
I tried to apply a very simple principle that I learned through circuit theory, and ordinary differential equation; Superposition Principle.
To find a values in a specific source you need to disable the others source in the circuit.

When I took a time to think about it, "Hey, it does make sense!"
So I began to draw circles in a paper, and in each circle I wrote things that I wished;

For instance,
Study, wealth, love.

To study, I need to have wealth. What wealth?
Knowledge, its your precious wealth if you think about it.
With this, you can move forward, as further you want until you reach the dream and hopes you wished for.

You need also love. What love?
Having a girlfriend?
Having a "going-to-be wife"?
^From observations that I had during my past, and present, both doesn't make sense for certain people. Unless you are madly in love, or both love each other. Though, it doesn't make sense with your false intention for your future.

Love your parents, Allah, and yourself.
Because if you cared about yourself, you won't stop studying until you had what you want.
Because if you cared about Allah, you won't stop studying with niah for Him.
Because if you cared about your parents and family, you won't stop studying to repay their hardwork to help you reach your future.
Make sense isn't?

So, I pick wealth. I close the wealth, and look at the other two; Love and Study.
Wealth and Study?
Seems the same if you look it as Study and Wealth.
But, in different perspective, wealth you wished to have in few years time should be in halal way, I mean no bribery practice@etc in your work. So, study well and get a good grades with full understanding so you won't put yourself into these bad habits. Like, cheating in exam, making false report for your work presentation.

Wealth and love?
^Quite not agree wealth is related to love, because I think wealth doesn't give you love and happiness alone. Because wealth itself is temporary. But, it could possibly have love with it if you spent your wealth in Allah's path entire your life like sadaqah, zakat, and lots lots more.

So, the very last instance which is Love.
Closing it and have study and wealth together.
So how do you love while you are studying?
Basically not having girlfriends or searching future wife.
But if you recalled the reason why you are here, is you said that: (Some of us)
"I came here because I want to help my parents, repay them later"
"I came here because I want to study while tarbiyah"
"I came here because I want to get rich because I work hard for it"
"I came here because to find wife candidates"
Whoops, pardon my slippery mouth. Hahaha

And, lastly Love and Wealth.
^So... *brainstroming*
Haa!
When you love something, you gonna precious something as precious as your wealth. ._.
*make sense...err isn't?*
You love your parents then you would never hurt them,
You love your future, then you would never spoil them,
You love your friends then you would never leave them suddenly (almost being picky),
And You love Allah then think twice, or triple before you commit a sin!

19 years had taught me a lot, more than needed.
And, to think of it, I had already grown up to make my own decision. Also, to have my own stand.
Because, during my years in past, hatred, lust, greed, envy and pride will destroy your future in instant.
And, it taught me that, most of thing in life you need is yourself. Friends are temporary, they come and they go. It hurt, its hurt in the way that they could kill all my hopes and dreams. But, in the end of the day, you know you need for most things is yourself.

Thanks, thank you to my very friends that always give their support for me.
Discussed about love stuffs, blabering about people's stupidity, and fighting over your birthday.

And, some of them:
Distancing themselves from me for no reason that I could think of it,
Forgotten about my existence,
They came back, with a reason that we need each other,
and the very little people who stayed, stood beside me, despite being doing other stuffs, they never forget and hurt this less durable heart of mine.

Sometimes(or most of the times) I wonder why people so suddenly become like that, it hurts me alot.
But, a lesson is a strength for you in the future isn't?
So, don't give a damn about it since they didn't even give one too.
Just that, sorry if ever you left me because of my stupidest act ever. Hope we could have a make up later in the future.

Yup, its the end of my sad life the story.
I had grown up to make my own decision, so don't bother others.
May Allah turns the hardship, happiness that I had into something that I could be grateful with.

Road to 20 coming soon!
With a better plan for my marriage my future.
InshaAllah :)

Did I Do it Wrongly?

            Pencapaian pertama UPSR 2007; boleh dikatakan titik permulaaan kepada sebuah perjuangan untuk masa depan.
Kecil-kecil lagi katanya nak jadi seorang doktor, guru, usahawan, tidak pun seorang polis yang menegakkan keadilan.

           Tapi pemikiran kita tidaklah seperti seorang yang sudah bekerja, seorang yang genius.
Tidak matang lagi berfikir, cuma ingin menjadi sesuatu sebab merasakan kita ni boleh jadi macam mereka suatu hari nanti.

           Alam sekolah menengah (rendah) mendedahkan kita dengan kewujudan huruf dalam sistem nombor, sejarah negara yang dahulunya sukar, kini membangun, bentuk geografi di dunia dan khususnya Malaysia, serta sistem penulisan dan pertuturan dalam dua bahasa.

Ada antara kita yang mula garu kepala "Apa kejadahnya* ini?"
Ada antara kita juga tidaklah ambil peduli akan ilmu-ilmu sebab terlalu berseronok dalam dunia hiburan, dunia cinta yang "indah". </3

           Namun, hari hari perjuangan perlu diteruskan. Dan bila mana umumnya keputusan PMR, ada yang gugur dimedan perang, ada juga yang memperoleh pencapaian yang diharapkan. "Alhamdulillah", bisik hati kita. Biarpun ada yang gugur, mereka masih melihat disitu wujudnya harapan utk mereka berjaya. Dan mulalah meninggalkan semuanya yang melalaikan, memutuskan "cinta", dan mendekatkan diri pada yang Esa.

Hari demi hari, semakin mencabarnya menuntut ilmu. Didedahnya kebolehan nombor dan huruf utk diintegrasi dan dibezakan, pemahaman tentang sel dan organ manusia serta sekitarnya, dan hukum hukum fizik dan kimia yang menjangkaui imaginasi.

Tapi alhamdulillah, ada antara kita berjaya mengharunginya, ada yang hampir, dan ada yang jauh dari harapan.
Dan bila berakhirnya dunia sekolah menengah ini, kita mula memikirkan tentang masa depan kita dgn lebih jauh.

"Lepas ni nak ambil apa ya?"
"Kahwin awal or lambat?"
"Mungkin aku patut berhenti teruskan dan bekerja"
"Nak buat apa lepas ni"

Banyak tawaran yang datang sebaik sahaja keputusan SPM diumumkan; ada peluang nak ke negara itu, negara ini. Ada juga sekurang-kurangnya dapat masuk universiti tempatan dan swasta.
Tapi ada antara kita tak mampu merancang masa depan kita dgn baik.

Abu kata "Masuk UTP lah, best, ada peluang kerja tinggi nanti"
Ali kata "3 pilihan yang aku mintak haritu Chemical, Mechanical, Electrical, harap dapat lah chemical >.< "
Aini kata "Aku takut aku tak dapat tawaran lain dah, jadi masuk jelah UTP"
Arina kata "Haritu aku mintak fast track SPC nak pergi luar negara, tapi dapat UTP"

Jadi, dijadikan ceritanya;
Abu masuk UTP sbb peluang kerja yang luas.
Ali berharap dapat Chemical, tapi ditawarnya pilihan ke-3, Electrical. Tanpa fikir panjang, masuk shj UTP.
Aini masuk UTP, baru nak cari bidang apa yang sesuai dgnnya.
Arina gagal memastikan tempatnya utk ke luar negara, tanpa memikirkan alternatif lain utk masa depannya, masuklah dia ke UTP.

Mendapat kenalan baru, didedahkan dengan budaya kerja, pengenalan kepada nombor-nombor dan teori yang kompleks.
Pada awalnya sangat sukar, tapi kita mereasakan diri kita perlu "survive" dalam foundation.

Alhamdulillah, "survived" katanya.
Foundation dilalui dgn keputusan yang cukup cukup makan. Tidak terlalu tinggi, tidak terlalu rendah.

Yay, mulalah tahun pertama saya disini.
Minggu minggu pertama bukanlah seperti minggu pertama di sekolah rendah, menengah. Awal awal lagi dah kena belajar apa itu Ordinary Differential Equation(ODE), apakah itu Teori Litar (CT), Lukisan kejuruteraan (ED) tak juga Structured Programming(SPI,SPD).
Masih gagah utk berdiri, memahami apa yang kita perlu belajar sepanjang semester ini.
Bila result keluar, "ARGHHHHH"
"Aku tak faham langsung"
"Stress, soalan putar belit"

Lama kelamaan kita mula mempersoalkan diri kita..
"Apakah jalan yang aku ambil ini betul?"

Dulu aku cakap nak jadi seorang doktor, nak jadi seorang polis, guru.. tapi kenapa aku akhirnya tersangkut dalam bidang yang aku sendiri tidak tahu?

Dalam sibuk melayan realiti dunia, kita kadang kadang terlepas pandang terhadap perancangan masa depan kita. Bila rasa susahnya menuntut ilmu, mulalah terfikir nak keluar kursus, keluar universiti, merancang utk ulang semester.

Siapa yang perlu disalahkan?
Aku, kau, dia, mereka, kita?

Apa pun, masa berlalu tanpa berpatah balik sedikit pun.
Apa boleh buat dalam keadaan macam ni?

Ok, mari berdiskusi dan cari beberapa idea;

1. Keluar universiti dan bekerja?
2. Keluar kursus dan masuk kursus lain?
3. Rambo sahaja!

Adakah dengan keluar universiti dan terus bekerja kita boleh hidup dgn sikap kita malas dan tidak mahu berusaha sewaktu dalam semester pertama?

Adakah tukar kursus dengan kursus pilihan lain boleh menyelesaikan masalah?
Kita seakan-akan cuba lari dari masalah dan buat masalah lain.

Rambo saja! Ambil masa utk belajar balik, perbetulkan sikap kita, kejar balik silibus. Belum terlambat utk buat sesuatu, selagi belum gagal usahalah. Gagal bukan pilihan.

Secara umumnya, dunia belajar selepas sekolah bukanlah dunia sekadar petik jari sahaja semua boleh.
Dunia sekarang memerlukan kita utk memahami apa yang kita belajar, bukan sekadar suap masuk kepala dan muntah sewaktu exam. Itu boleh bentuk diri kita seorang fresh undegraduate yang tidak berkualiti. Malah mudah dilabel "tidak laku" di mata syarikat syarikat besar/membangun.
Tidak kiralah tukar kursus berapa byk, kalau diri takde minat dan usaha utk belajar memang sia-sialah.

Bila kita ada masalah nak belajar, kita cari akar masalah kita;
Cara belajar kita betul tak?
Pengurusan masa kita betul tak?
Faham tak apa yang kita cuba belajar?
Adakah pelajaran diutamakan?

Oh, aku pun tidaklah 100% buat apa yang aku cuba sampaikan. Tapi, buat atau tak, benda ni betul.
Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih kata orang tua.

Orang lain tak boleh tolong kita utk kejar masa depan melainkan hanyalah utk beri sokongan dan nasihat.
Ada masalah kongsi dan selesaikan bersama. Kawan ada, kaunselor bertauliah@tak bertauliah pun ada.
Tanyalah selagi boleh tanya.

Ehem, dkt atas tu semestinyalah. Dia dengar, dan dia akan makbulkan.

Al Mu'min, Ayat 60:



Maksudnya: "Dan berfirman Tuhanmu "Memohonlah (mendoalah) kepada-Ku, Aku pasti perkenankan permohonan (doa) mu itu."

Semestinya apa yang di beri tu adalah terbaik buat kita.
Jangan cepat putus harapan, jangan cepat berhenti.
Kita masih jauh lagi dari garisan penamat. Lari, Lari, Lari!!!

Jalan ke penamat itu sungguhlah lurus kenapa berjalan pusing sana pusing sini? :)

*heavily breathing*
"Shouldn't I stop fighting, pain is temporary, glory is forever" - slogan silat tempat aku lol

Keep running, grand prize awaits you.

Aku masih disini, menolak kawan kawan aku utk bergerak. Takkanlah aku seorang shj yg berjalan.
You have my very support.

-. - O.K, cukup berleter dan cakap seorang diri. Selamat merancang masa depan anda!
Buat junior, buat keputusan elok elok.

Lama tak post gambar, comel </3 hahahaha
Pena ditutup. Assalamualaikum! </3

Riddles

Life is full of mysteries.
Whenever you encounter a mystery, its either be a nightmare, or a sweet dream.
To have between these two, it comes with a 50-50 probability.
Unfortunately, in a range of 50, comes a probability of 25-25, constructive or destructive.

Life is so random isn't?
It just like you throw a dice, which mean having problems and happiness was this simple.

Despite it was that easy, we ourselves makes it even more complicated.
Just having crush on someone, you make yourself hates her/him.
Just having low grades, you make yourself stupider.
Just having hardships, you make yourself weaker.
Just having problems? Oh yeah, you create yourself having another problems.

And problem on top of problems would create a more negative thought in your mind.
Boom, you lost your identity as human.

Happiness also sometimes being a burden to a human.
It brought yourself into carelessness.
It brought yourself into arrogance.

See, again you lost your identity as human.

Of course, a riddle is a game that needs an answer.
But, you know.. there was no answer at all.

Because for one to improve him/herself, they need experience.
Never take destructive situation to make yourself depressed.
Never take constructive situation for granted.

And slowly, your life began to enter a new phase of life "A New Beginning"

Strike! Home run.
In much simpler words, you need to have faith in yourself, in Allah, and in everyone else that you trust.

Fight oki, fight!

Brave

"Oki dah besar dah matang boleh buat keputusan yang baik kan?"

Back then,
I don't have any confidence in myself.
I mean, If I ever liked someone, I can't.

How am I suppose to express my honest feelings?
Some would say, pray which is true.
Some would say, just say it! which is true.

Its not like when I was rejected, I am not their friends anymore. Actually, its friendzoned.
Friendzoned for me when you tried to get the situation as normal as possible but you failed and everything getting worst.

And then, I know that for some reason, I'm not ready for it.

You know, I live in an awkward world.
Where what you think you do is right, but what they think I do is weird.
Like, come on, who the hell talk about abstract things in a conversation?
Yeah, people hard to understand who am I.

But, luckily, this world is fair enough. There are people who can withstand a human like me.
An awkward man who tried step into love world, its sucks, awful and pathetic.

"Your true color is when nobody sees you" - Some random human.

Yup, If I take time to think about it, the true color of myself was the one who are weird.
I do weird things, away from the norm. But for me its a norm in my life.

Then I started to make multiple characters of my self. I could say, some are the cool guy image, trying-to-be-smart guy image, concerned guy image.
Don't say its a fake image of me. It was real, but somehow it doesn't fit in the society.
When I helped someone, I was dragged to help them until dunno-when-it-will-end.
When I was being helped, I tend to being helped until dunno-when-it-will-end.
When I taught people, I don't even know right words to use in my explanation.
Seriously, it doesn't fit.

So do, love.

Being dependent,
Being picky,
Being lazy,
Being hopeless.

But you see, these attributes restrain myself from changing.
Yeah, it was.
So I worked on it, to change as much as I could.

Without realizing time passed faster than I imagined,
I had myself in the danger zone for an awkward guy, Love.

Norm, love is a norm. Having feelings for someone is a norm, but the matter is how you'd control your feelings.
The best way that I could do is to not to accept, and not to deny my feelings, instead I concealed it deep inside my heart where no one would see it. Despite that, my acts reflects my feelings.

I had the chances, I had the opportunity (which is the same);
But I'm still me, not even moving an inch from start.
*Stunned*, That was my real mistake, I was not brave enough to make it real.

When I revise everything,
If ever I was brave enough, I could make myself more independent.
If ever I was brave enough, I could open myself to accepts things, imperfect one.
If ever I was brave enough, I could make myself a hardworking guy.
If ever I was brave enough, I could change, make, stop things with a single strong will.

Yeah, If I ever I was brave enough, I could have confidence in myself to step into that awkward world.

Before it ends, if ever I had a little feelings towards her,
I know, I should be better than her.

Screw you, I'm serious this time.

"Kalau jodoh itu ada, adalah"

"Kalau kau nak sesuatu maka berdoalah"

"Kalau kita dapat tu lain cerita, kalau kita tak dapat tu pun lain cerita. Tapi worth it kalau kau cuba daripada tak buat apa apa"

Last small note that I attached in this post;
This one, a final.

Brave.

Mumble time ends.

Missing

The world revolves around, but it seems to be another normal day.
But something is weird, weird.
I know I should, survive on my own.

I should learn to be on my own,
Stop overthinking,
Stop sensitive by people's weird reaction,
Stop being stupid and make others had enough with me.

I know I can do this, but its all alone.
Though, there's a little support of the one who understand me.

Past, is a obvious past.
Why should I care about that?

It just that, I'm a little lonely, lonely because we were drifted apart when we got so close together.
People change, I change.
But my heart doesn't, I love them more than everyone else.
With hope, I could gather back, and we gonna smile like we first met.
Even my brain saying "Shut up, and forget already"
I resisted.
Save me.

Dumb

"Nice to meet ya, my name is Syauqi."

Yeah, I love making friends. I tried to have as much as possible friends in this world. Where I believe I could share some happiness, jokes, hardships with them.
But, before I knew it. I was a failure.

Recalled back in 6 years old timeline. The only thing I could remember is my 3 childhood friends.
In the 13 years old timeline. I could only remember myself.
17 years old timeline. I wasn't there.

Friends is somewhat I think I could cry with.
Friends is somewhat I think I could connect myself with.
Success, failure, ups, and downs. Everything with them.

When they were so in need, I was there to help. *I suppose
When they were so out of hands, I was there to pick them up. *I suppose I was.
And then, when everyone go so high to the topmost of the world. It was alone around me.

Wew, I was dumb.
Dumb enough that I was suppose to run together with them reaching top.
Dumb enough that I should care about myself first before them.
Dumb enough that I wasted everything for their smile. Temporary smile.

"Tasukete!" Save me!
But nothing could be heard.

Then, I realized everything. I was so childish. Childish enough to waste my time, energy, everything because they are in trouble. Reality is so cruel when people only looks into your amazement, not your kindness.
Since after that, I removed every single thing called friendship.

I met someone, and I tend to believe in this kind of friendship again. But I was wrong. Wrong.
Dumb.

Because, I failed to understand myself before they could do the same to me.
Since that, I need myself to fix everything rather than waiting for their helps that I had once gave to them.
And to Him I believe that I can do this, and He could help me.

Friendship?
It wasn't real. Unless you are the amazement of blind people.
It wasn't strong. Unless you know what you do, and get things right. Perfectly.
It wasn't there. Unless they understand you, you understand them. And both understand their self.

Until I read this again, I know I was dumb.
Those who understand this, thank you.
Those who didn't, yes I'm crazy.

^mumbles.