Kyra's

"Oki dah besar dah matang boleh buat keputusan yang baik kan?"

Back then,
I don't have any confidence in myself.
I mean, If I ever liked someone, I can't.

How am I suppose to express my honest feelings?
Some would say, pray which is true.
Some would say, just say it! which is true.

Its not like when I was rejected, I am not their friends anymore. Actually, its friendzoned.
Friendzoned for me when you tried to get the situation as normal as possible but you failed and everything getting worst.

And then, I know that for some reason, I'm not ready for it.

You know, I live in an awkward world.
Where what you think you do is right, but what they think I do is weird.
Like, come on, who the hell talk about abstract things in a conversation?
Yeah, people hard to understand who am I.

But, luckily, this world is fair enough. There are people who can withstand a human like me.
An awkward man who tried step into love world, its sucks, awful and pathetic.

"Your true color is when nobody sees you" - Some random human.

Yup, If I take time to think about it, the true color of myself was the one who are weird.
I do weird things, away from the norm. But for me its a norm in my life.

Then I started to make multiple characters of my self. I could say, some are the cool guy image, trying-to-be-smart guy image, concerned guy image.
Don't say its a fake image of me. It was real, but somehow it doesn't fit in the society.
When I helped someone, I was dragged to help them until dunno-when-it-will-end.
When I was being helped, I tend to being helped until dunno-when-it-will-end.
When I taught people, I don't even know right words to use in my explanation.
Seriously, it doesn't fit.

So do, love.

Being dependent,
Being picky,
Being lazy,
Being hopeless.

But you see, these attributes restrain myself from changing.
Yeah, it was.
So I worked on it, to change as much as I could.

Without realizing time passed faster than I imagined,
I had myself in the danger zone for an awkward guy, Love.

Norm, love is a norm. Having feelings for someone is a norm, but the matter is how you'd control your feelings.
The best way that I could do is to not to accept, and not to deny my feelings, instead I concealed it deep inside my heart where no one would see it. Despite that, my acts reflects my feelings.

I had the chances, I had the opportunity (which is the same);
But I'm still me, not even moving an inch from start.
*Stunned*, That was my real mistake, I was not brave enough to make it real.

When I revise everything,
If ever I was brave enough, I could make myself more independent.
If ever I was brave enough, I could open myself to accepts things, imperfect one.
If ever I was brave enough, I could make myself a hardworking guy.
If ever I was brave enough, I could change, make, stop things with a single strong will.

Yeah, If I ever I was brave enough, I could have confidence in myself to step into that awkward world.

Before it ends, if ever I had a little feelings towards her,
I know, I should be better than her.

Screw you, I'm serious this time.

"Kalau jodoh itu ada, adalah"

"Kalau kau nak sesuatu maka berdoalah"

"Kalau kita dapat tu lain cerita, kalau kita tak dapat tu pun lain cerita. Tapi worth it kalau kau cuba daripada tak buat apa apa"

Last small note that I attached in this post;
This one, a final.

Brave.

Mumble time ends.

The world revolves around, but it seems to be another normal day.
But something is weird, weird.
I know I should, survive on my own.

I should learn to be on my own,
Stop overthinking,
Stop sensitive by people's weird reaction,
Stop being stupid and make others had enough with me.

I know I can do this, but its all alone.
Though, there's a little support of the one who understand me.

Past, is a obvious past.
Why should I care about that?

It just that, I'm a little lonely, lonely because we were drifted apart when we got so close together.
People change, I change.
But my heart doesn't, I love them more than everyone else.
With hope, I could gather back, and we gonna smile like we first met.
Even my brain saying "Shut up, and forget already"
I resisted.
Save me.

"Nice to meet ya, my name is Syauqi."